City Issues Amber Alert for Missing Sense of Proportion ◆ Texas Man Screams at Pride Flag for 14 Hours; Flag Remains Unmoved, Wins on Points ◆ Vatican Declares St. Bufferia of Dead Zones Patron Saint of Strong Wi-Fi and Reliable Cellular Coverage ◆ White House Accidentally Publishes Mantra Memo: "Just Keep Saying Economy" Appears 17 Times ◆ H-E-B Officially a Religion Now, Texas Legislature Confirms What Your Aunt Already Knew ◆ God Orders Decaf at 3 a.m. Waffle House; Waitress Files Incident Report With Heaven ◆
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Monday, October 12, 2026 rachel.local Price: Your Last Remaining Illusion
News

City Issues Amber Alert for Missing Sense of Proportion

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Bexar County says the civic faculty vanished mid-hearing and has not returned. Search dogs were briefed not to escalate. Residents urged to stay calm — but not too calm.
Politics & Power
Washington & Beyond
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Politics

White House Accidentally Publishes Mantra Memo: "Just Keep Saying Economy" Appears 17 Times

An internal press-office draft meant for eyes only spilled onto the public wire Tuesday, revealing a messaging strategy so repetitive it could double as a trance induction — and a confession.

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